We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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