bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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