yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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