dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
