Tell her she can't have a vagina
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
