During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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