just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
