You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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