So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize