girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
