Got a toothbrush?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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