I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
