apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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