he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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