do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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