I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
