he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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