My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize