somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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