when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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