they need to just BURY HIM!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
false alarm, still single
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
