It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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