im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The adults are the big ones right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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