found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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