If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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