Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
