she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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