i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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