dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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