its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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