Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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