im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
