then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
