After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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