I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
