There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
