She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
