he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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