woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
