U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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