Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
