my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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