I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
