I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
