I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
