I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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