At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We are all done wearing pants today
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