To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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