Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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