I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
