I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
