My friends, they love my intelligence
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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