My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
