singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
