please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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