I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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