Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
