Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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