okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
