Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
