were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
