I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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