My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
