dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
