just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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