Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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