Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
