i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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