wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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